88 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
88 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
july 11
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writing on the 12th (wow!!!!)
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yesterday i slept at 4, today was at 3:30. still sucks, just a little less
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i woke up at like...10. i tried to continue that newspaper idea for violet meadow, but i ended up keeping myself busy today...mostly helping nami with The photo, which is kind of bothering mom lately because. yeah!! i could legitimately get into trouble for this. the chances are tiny, but...they are there, and i don't want to upset mom in general,
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in between i did my duolingo, and later into the night i watched sonic speed reading from the game apologist!! wow, the comics are actuallly really good?
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i got an idea for a transfem sonic variant (!!!) i told psdx about it and they showed me a script they made on ao3 for an alternate history sonic chronology (particularly sonic 1) mixing and matching existing srb2 mods to make it playable!!
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july 12
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feeling kinda bad
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today in general sucked a little. i've been feeling pretty tired the whole day and my throat hurts, i get stomach aches from nearly everything
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i think it's just the air being too dry...? it has indeed not rained in A LONG TIME
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i didn't really try to resume the newspaper idea! i think i don't have enough motivation, idk why!! i have good headlines, the verbose words to give them briefings. i guess it doesn't feel like it's really mine, knowing i'm copying the layout, which...is really hard at a small size! i don't have everything planned out so i just get stuck thinking about the first story
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i put mossbag and rain world ost on in the background, i really wanna pirate rain world's ost now!! especially because i can't buy it anywhere but itunes?? no bandcamp??????????
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i would've, but...i got side tracked starting a port of mania amy to s3air. and i referenced porn for the colors because I decided on a whim to do dark skinned amy. FUck
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i didn't even meditate that much, i haven't been in the right...literally weather (which i think influences headspace (not wild internal worlds!! Fuck)) to sit down and think about it
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think that's the reason i have been delaying duolingo to. um. 23:41!! all day and it sucks
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oh yeah i got my nails done! feeels nice after like 2 weeks
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behhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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i can't wait for tomorrow
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oh, wow it's already the 11th?
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oh yeah i also ate mini pizza from the airfryer
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july 13
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i noticed, i feel like i'm getting a bit too selfish, especially after going on a rant about rich people after looking at memphis design
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maybey i shouldn't write down everything i ever think about to therapy drafts
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feels like it makes pondering less effective to explore every avenue for thought immediately without really thinking about whether it would go anywhere
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i did even less than usual today - i didn't help nami out, i barely talked to anyone
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i visited a jitsi and played around with friends but that was it, the rest was doing an improvement to the amy mod for sonic 3 i was bothered didn't use the mania mod's sprites (and doing it badly!!)
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july 14th
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oh, GOD i feel awful. i had literally the whole day to do Anything but i just sat around feeling empty and disenergized
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i didn't even talk to nami, i didn't expand on my ideas in my therapy draft file like i wanted to yesterday
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i barely remember deciding what to do for myself?? feels like i've been on autopilot for most of the time i was awake
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i don't know that the i can blame my medication on this, should i find more things to do than explore the internet? it sure feels like it'd break up what's been routine for... years, now........ but there is Nothing to do around here!!
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july 15th
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i put writing for this day off for...almost 2 days.
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today, i talked to ana! it was...really, really nice having any stimuli not just phase me
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yeah, we talked about my addiction; how my anxiety medication might've been backfiring
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i went over to uncle's too but i really wish i talked more to him! kept talking to ana from 17:00 to like, literally 18:00 (first time i've been there since like, last week for his bday, i had the chance to do brain age and i should've taken it)
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i took awfully long to do my duolingo and forgot to do some of the stuff i said i'd do (make a drawing for jill and agatha, send my art to ana)
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i actually did make one drawing though!! and a big one i'm really proud of - no outlines, scene of The violet meadow at night with for some reason looks to the moon and amelia shooting agatha to the moon ("boups to the moon")
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july 15th
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woke up and took a bath!! even washed my hair and face, airdryed meself
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hey! today sucked a little but i think i'm getting....anecdotal evidence that maybe my dose of Assert® is too high (50mg, i'm guessing per pill)
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i DIDN'T take my medication and i felt...not a lot, i'm guessing because i already had took it for so long but still better!!!!!!!!!
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(mom said for me to take it tomorrow. i will!! would prove that this wasn't just sheer luck too - i suspected it but even if it is i should still not just immediately pivot to not taking it, since i was like...nearly blowing up and dying before i started taking it)
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oh, right, the rest of the day
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i mostly watched youtube but i was really active on fedi and i drew something for jill! one of it's ocs, jillo! (trauma dumped about slimes but idk i'd feel ingenuine not to mention it (but maybe that's kind of dumb))
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i watched more of that ls mark video where he covers EVERY spongebob episode, i played little a sonic the hedgehog 1
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watched jimmy mcgee (guy who talked about rain world) talk teleglitch and cruelty squad (not the movie! the really ugly arcane kids looking dystopia nnightmare game) and a new leadhead video about addiction and decided, fuck it, i'll copy her
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it's kind of fucking ridiculous i have to debate with myself to pretend to put up a fight when i get the urge to watch porn, seemingly completely forgetting how fucking awful it is for me
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it probably won't be as effective, being a psyche problem to a material item, but i'm gonna try getting myself to just aggressively dinkwater when i think about it!
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hypothesized on some drawing ideas and did duolingo near midnight :0
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i'm fucken hungy. but i'm too sleepy
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gooooooosh i wish i could make food for myself, even if it was just sandwiches
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(thinking abt that one scene from ? where the guy throws a pillow on the floor if he doesn't want to forget something but hasn't the energy to write it down)
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oh a!! nami gave up on the photo edit but she asked her sister in law for help
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