98 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
98 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
july 2st
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ahh....to wake up and smell the Jully
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i'm writing this on the 4th, in my katamari. it sucks that saturday and sunday were really really slow!!
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i've been burping an awful lot today, wonder if it's indigestion or something (mom said on the 4th it's bc i'm eating less than my body's used to!)
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i've also been really...really mushy
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at least!! today on saturday i talked to ana (she had to reschedule for whatever reason to today! it's alright)
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it was bothering me that it feels like she always reinforces what i already inferred but like, it helps me realize stuff, i shouldn't be internalizing "oh maybe she's dumb actually" that's really gross
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we talked about how, wow, it's kind of pathetic that i took so long to actually care about porn addiction! and that might've been discouraging me - i felt like i could never make it up to my idea of a responsible akira
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july 3
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checked out rain world mods! didn't install many though
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jill explored pipis cat and it is so cursed??
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still haven't gone out...uncle asked about it!! hope i can tomorrow
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mom's still doing duolingo!! she's really good at it
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made something graphic designy for jill! rain world hud for the desktop and totally not malware (e-excuse me, could i p-please i have your credit card id?)
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july 4th
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finally went for a walk!! tummy was hurting so i took fruit salt (fizzy water) first to make my stomach feel better.w as worried wlaking would make it worse but it was okie!
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tried to make something for jill, didn't go well... my x server hung!!
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didn't do my duolingo i think
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helping nami with the fake id for the furry comm server scams, we're still not getting very far
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july 5th
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hello, today wasn't really great
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i...continued to be mushy today, i really hate how tired i feel all the time when i don't have responsibilities on the horizon minus duolingo and Walkin'
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and, i'm down to...1 assert pill!! that means i've taken 39!!! the medication should be in full effect about now!! yet, i feel so tired. it really sucks. maybe it WILL be better when i walk more but it's really inconsistent! it's not fun for mom especially when it's one of many chores for her and she'd have to do it twice a day ideally
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it was less bad today though
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i got to eat noodles with steak!! (not as good as i wish) i played some more rain world, i made a ton (1 and 4 drafts) of drawings
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i played around a bunch with my friends, i'm really happy to be at violet meadow and i hope it stays this way
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counterintuitively (not really,,) it's legitimately pleasant to help mom getting medication for her, checking the doors
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putting on some rainy sounds, laying down
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fighting to stay awake
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there's a fuck ton of bugs in my house. i'm gonna become a frog out of spite i hate these little assholes how did they even get inside why is it hot enough for them but too cold for me to be above the blankets without being uncomfy!!
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july 6
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oh yeah baby this Sucks
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i've forgotten basically everything that happened yesterday and the day before and i'm having to write for those days
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i wish i had more habits that pushed me to look at myself with humility
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um, today...
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i woke up erally mushy and that never really changed. i'm just feeling tired now at night instead of sleepy
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so, i went for a walk with mom thankfully! i was looking forward to this. it was way less tiring than on the 4th, where we went up a big ramp and got our legs fucked)
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yesterday, i checked out tamago2474!! i can't believe i'm not subscribed on my new (not old) youtube acc! i was really needing black youtubers in my feed and i happen to enjoy his content
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(oh my god i really need to expand my taste and should want really to do research on other cultures)
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i took my last assert pill today, and that was nice! mom went out today too for a walk and to get new meds for me (+ some other stuff/?)
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she got a new credit card too!! we were discussing this recently but i'm pretty sure i didn't write it down :(
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she got a pride themed one and it's been a while since these showed up but i really enjoy the new vertical front side designs in credit cards! no personally identifiable info, just a few brands, plenty of space to admire the background you chose for it...
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it's great, i just hope she doesn't abuse the ability to freely transfer money to get a kick, i know mom has problems stress eating and with candies (she even was worried she might have developed diabetes when she started pissing an awful lot the other day) (i think she's also mentioned to her friends constantly her piss comes out fucking orange but idk if that was just advice or genuine)
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i passed by uncle's house with mom after we took a walk! i'd have , enjoyed just staying in my house but that's fine too, because!! i got to push duolingo onto uncle like i kinda-wanted to
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he picked spanish and idk, might go for klingon too (how have i never talked about him here?? he's cool!! he really likes star trek, does architecture, shaved his beard recently?? tall and a bit dark skinned, kind of a pushover with me specifically but otherwise slightly impatient, has tons of books, likes orange)
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grandma turned it down and, gosh i feel bad for trying now
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i'm just. scared, yknow? i hope she doesn't die but it'll happen some day and i'm not ready. neither am i for uncle's death. either foca/luis (he's 50...) or cau. (don't remember...)
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iirc grandma is 74, mom is in her 40's
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it's probably possible to infer but i'm an only child
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i've always felt this pressure to keep my bloodline alive because my family's had a rough history and especially when i'm pretty out of touch with it i'm in this weird "too lazy to actually ask" "still panicking in that white twitter user way that i don't know" sttate (oh this might be a good therapy topic!!) that just. god, i really hope i can donate sperm before i transition in case i become infertile from it.
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because i've accepted yeah i'm not gonna live forever, i don't want to either
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i just haven't accepted that i don't get to like, transfer this soul to some other body and reincarnate
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oh dear this has been a whole lot of inner thoughts and not a lot of things that actually happened today??
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uhh last minute scribbles time again!!
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i couldn't find my glasses or phone when i woke up. mom didn't put them to charge and the charger seems to be fucked anyways?
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i did another drawing today!! it made me really happy. slightly changed my design but it should be good as a reference if ppl make art of me,,
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still working out that photo of nami with her and she's thinking of doing something wholly different - professional designer or coloring over grayscale
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remember that guy who voiced a ton of liminal space images, polygon donut? i checked out a few more of his videos!! they're kind of brainrot-y but it'd probably be good if i literally didn't have anything better to do (i've been feeling a lot these days like i'm wasting my time, which i kind of am"" i could be using this to get smarter and cooler but i'm just proceeding as normal. at least the second half of the year isn't as slow...)
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i looked back at the mother orb post (weird ominous object in an isaac mod) from genome and applied some li'l lamb gel on my leg bc it is Irritated
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think that's all, yeah
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